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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise in relationships. Her husband left her, which came as a massive blow. A lot of her social circle disappeared during that time, because they seemed focused solely on him. It shocked her. She made increased attention to be my friend, probably understood more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several close to her have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, although she was an excellent employee, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each left the workforce leading to more each other more, yet I realize my position in our friendship feels one-sided. I open discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she has strong opinions. I try to propose double-checking information and different perspectives.

She has been planning a holiday to a country I have traveled to repeatedly and lived in for some time. My intention was to offer insights, but this was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I have returned from a month in that place she is eager to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she'll truly understand the consequences of her actions on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, yet this is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out requires bravery and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially requires explaining how things go in your conversations. It should be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute about this. Your feelings belong to you, after all. Step three is to question ways you together can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Consider that she also has a point of view, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

This can be successful for promoting better communication.

Key Takeaways

Your friend may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals cling to a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a story regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of since their identity relies on it being the only thing they've known. It's tough as there is no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out defensively and then think on your words. And should you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have closure from having been honest with her.